Haunted by Waters

I am haunted by waters.
- Doogie McClean, A River Runs Through It.

There's this verse, this line, that keeps coming to my mind and -- well, since the day I first fell into it, it has been haunting me in my days and following me to bed at night like a creeping shadow. It's a constant pain, and has really become more for me, its sharp edge piercing my side like a thorn causing something inside me to flow and churn and burn.

It's a phrase that Jesus Himself said, so I'm pretty sure it's important and bears listening to and heeding and, I suppose if Jesus hadn't been the one to say it, it wouldn't make me hunger so much. It's John 10:10. The line is, "I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly."

See, here's where it rocks me. I wonder: if Jesus really meant that, and that is truly why God sent His Son here, then what does that mean? What's this "life" He's talking about? And, how can I have it, because I live “life.” By that I mean that I go to bed, I wake up, I work, I plan, I do these things that I think are important in living. Sure, this is “life”, right?

But then, there's this verse, you see.

There was another time when Jesus said something a lot like this. He told us to come after Him if we were thirsty, because He's the Living Water. And, I think some of us relate to that. Because, if you've ever been thirsty, then you know what it's like to drink water and have that driving, consuming pain of thirst quenched and relieved.

I think maybe it's the same with what He said about life. Because if you've ever been dead and remember, then you know how much you miss when you're dead. There's not a lot there. Except maybe the pain of not living.

And I remember being dead. I have fought my way back from the dead.

What does life look like? What does it mean to have this life that Jesus talks about, and how do you get it? I don't know the answer for sure, and even if I did, I don't think the hunger for it would hurt any less. But, I think it has something to do with seeing: seeing that there's Someone madly, crazily in love with you, seeing that He'd stop at nothing to see you through. I think it must have something to do with hearing: hearing a call, and following that Voice for the hope set before us. I think when we see that, we shed our thick skins and walk in a bit more freedom. I think living is tied irrevocably to a Cross: a place where we know begins our eternal life, but where the finished work, I hope we remember, has already happened, and so our eternal life has already begun. I think it has to do with knowing we are already citizens of heaven and having the guts to hope big for what in the world that means. And, seeing the life of Jesus, we know it is nothing if it is not full of active, not passive, love and pursuit of a Father who rocks and rolls, serves surf and turf for so many prodigals.

Lazarus would know, I'm pretty sure. So would the thief. So would Mary. So would Peter. And I have a feeling God gave us His Spirit to lead us, not just in life, but into life as well.

After all, it was after the Cross that Jesus said, "You will do even greater things than these."

Whoa. Greater things than these, Jesus?

I think ...sometimes, I think maybe I'm the shadow that goes through these days that are not my own, clinging and following something else that's really weighty, really heavy and substantive and real. And that thing is real Life, not my version of it. And someday, someday really soon, I'm going to enter into it completely. May these days, like an engagement before the wedding and the marriage thereafter, be filled with the anticipation and hope that drives us further and further into life.

I am haunted by Waters.